Hey Allies!
I'm doing a lot better now - I'm still sleeping quite a bit, but I feel a lot better. I have some of my energy back, and I'm starting to feel like myself. Even Matt commented on how much better I seem. I noted it to my doctor. I'm almost four weeks into the antibiotics now, and if I compare how I feel now to how I felt at the end of January, it's a difference like night and day. I don't know if it's because in January I was still trying to work full time, never mind trying to wrap up two ENORMOUS projects at work for which I was the lead, but I was barely hanging on. I was exhausted, in pain, and felt totally pummeled by life. Now - I'm sleeping 9-10 hours (which is more than normal for me), but I feel so much better, it's incredible. My doctor pointed out that 95-98% of the infection had been removed by the surgeon, so my body doesn't have to work so hard to fight it.
It's making a huge difference.
So I'm trying to go back to work on Monday. This week will be my part-time schedule, four hours a day. If that goes okay, the next week I will try working five or six hours, and just work up to being back to full time. I'm also trying to get back into my exercise routine, at least on some level. I can't sweat while the PICC line is in, because sweat can cause the line to get infected, but I figured I could walk or take an easy hike or bike ride. If I can get back into the routine of making time for that, I will feel better and I can add intensity later as my body rebuilds strength and the PICC line comes out.
I have a lot of missions still on the table. You guys gave me some great things to work on. I have items on my Superhero To-Do List that need attention. I think you all have achieved your SuperBetter goal admirably, which was to support me and to help me get back on my feet. Please feel free to post things if the urge strikes you, and I will continue to post to fulfill missions and keep you updated. Of course, if I need you, I will issue a call to arms!
But take a rest for the month of May, my Allies. You have fought hard and admirably, and pulled me through the darkest, most trying of times. I don't think I would be here, in the shape that I am in, without you. Great job, wonderful work, and please know you have my undying gratitude for everything you have done! I will check back in with you in June, to see if we need to continue this round of SuperBetter, or if we want to try to transform this blog into something else. I have some good ideas for turning it into something else, but I would like to know which contributors would be interested in continuing. Stay tuned!
Showing posts with label progress reports. Show all posts
Showing posts with label progress reports. Show all posts
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Not actually dead!
Hello, allies. I apologize for being out of touch for a while - and let me tell you, you all were AWESOME with checking in on me. Even if I didn't respond, please know that your texts, Facebook messages, gchat messages, visits, and phone calls meant a lot to me.
The last two weeks have been very challenging. I feel like I'm back like I was last March - my face is swollen, I can barely eat because the swelling prevents me from opening my mouth very much, I hurt, I'm exhausted and generally don't feel well. Last week I felt very isolated, as Matt was out of town, which you all helped with beyond measure. This week, it's just been the illness and exhaustion. Monday I had a biopsy done on my right mandible. Today I went back to the surgeon as my face still looks like I have a golf ball stuck in my cheek and it's incredibly painful to touch - even putting the ice packs on it hurts. He said that this was to be expected, as the biopsy was pretty invasive, and no cultures were back yet. I meet with him next week to discuss further surgery, and meanwhile, I'm on a lot of Vicodin.
I have not gone into work at all this week, and will not likely go in tomorrow. This is a big struggle for me: To accept that it is alright for me to take time to heal. The logical part of my brain knows that my workplace wants me to get better, and to do what is necessary to achieve that. That my job is protected, even beyond the legal requirements of FMLA. But there's a part of me - we'll call it the ridiculous masochistic crackheaded part - that doesn't feel I'm ever sick enough to stay home. I argue with myself constantly over this, because I always feel like I should just suck it up and go in, that I'm not dying, that I'm not even as sick as other people I know. I have illogical fears that my boss is mad at me, that my coworkers think I'm taking advantage of FMLA or being lazy. I have fears that I actually AM lazy, and that a better person would just go in to work. I feel like I'm exaggerating my illness and injuries because I'm not actually on death's doorstep. I truly cannot explain how hard this is for me to accept, and the guilt and anxiety I battle with when I do stay home.
This is a monster that I have struggled with long before I ever became ill, and one of the hardest for me to battle. I can handle the pain, the vomiting, the exhaustion, the swelling, the anxiety, the pain, the pain, the pain, but for some reason I cannot handle allowing myself to rest.
I ask for reassurance on this ad nauseam, probably to the irritation of Matt and other friends, but it's because it is incredibly difficult for me to give myself permission to stay home. For this reason, I truly appreciate all the times you all have reassured me, even if you wanted to smack me at the same time.
I'm giving myself a mission of updating this blog in the next few days: getting my daily activities for the last couple weeks compiled, acknowledging ally achievements, updating the achievements and missions logs under Game Basics, things like that. I'm also giving myself a mission to reply to all of you who contacted me. You held up your end, now it's time for me to hold up mine.
I do have a few proud moments to share though. I've been sleeping for 2-3 hours after coming home from work, then getting up for a couple hours before going back to sleep for 10-12 hours a night. I apparently need the sleep to heal, and I have not felt like doing much. Last week, though, I managed to do a short yoga routine and the energy workings taught to me by John (The Medium), as well as take the dog for a 30-minute walk. On Wednesday, despite my swelling and pain, I walked for over an hour with Jamie (The Armorer)! I was really proud of myself, as this was a huge accomplishment for me in light of my current state of exhaustion. Also, I think it was spurred on by the fact that Jamie and I would walk to New Mexico if you let us - once we get to walking and talking, we just don't stop, haha.
I wanted to get a bunch more stuff up here tonight, but I'm going to take satisfaction in what I DID achieve, give myself permission to rest, and work on getting the other postings and responses up over the next few days. I just wanted to acknowledge you all, because truly, this game is helping me to keep going, to not feel so alone, to draw strength when I thought I had none left. Please know that all your efforts are deeply appreciated, even when I don't respond. :)
The last two weeks have been very challenging. I feel like I'm back like I was last March - my face is swollen, I can barely eat because the swelling prevents me from opening my mouth very much, I hurt, I'm exhausted and generally don't feel well. Last week I felt very isolated, as Matt was out of town, which you all helped with beyond measure. This week, it's just been the illness and exhaustion. Monday I had a biopsy done on my right mandible. Today I went back to the surgeon as my face still looks like I have a golf ball stuck in my cheek and it's incredibly painful to touch - even putting the ice packs on it hurts. He said that this was to be expected, as the biopsy was pretty invasive, and no cultures were back yet. I meet with him next week to discuss further surgery, and meanwhile, I'm on a lot of Vicodin.
I have not gone into work at all this week, and will not likely go in tomorrow. This is a big struggle for me: To accept that it is alright for me to take time to heal. The logical part of my brain knows that my workplace wants me to get better, and to do what is necessary to achieve that. That my job is protected, even beyond the legal requirements of FMLA. But there's a part of me - we'll call it the ridiculous masochistic crackheaded part - that doesn't feel I'm ever sick enough to stay home. I argue with myself constantly over this, because I always feel like I should just suck it up and go in, that I'm not dying, that I'm not even as sick as other people I know. I have illogical fears that my boss is mad at me, that my coworkers think I'm taking advantage of FMLA or being lazy. I have fears that I actually AM lazy, and that a better person would just go in to work. I feel like I'm exaggerating my illness and injuries because I'm not actually on death's doorstep. I truly cannot explain how hard this is for me to accept, and the guilt and anxiety I battle with when I do stay home.
This is a monster that I have struggled with long before I ever became ill, and one of the hardest for me to battle. I can handle the pain, the vomiting, the exhaustion, the swelling, the anxiety, the pain, the pain, the pain, but for some reason I cannot handle allowing myself to rest.
I ask for reassurance on this ad nauseam, probably to the irritation of Matt and other friends, but it's because it is incredibly difficult for me to give myself permission to stay home. For this reason, I truly appreciate all the times you all have reassured me, even if you wanted to smack me at the same time.
I'm giving myself a mission of updating this blog in the next few days: getting my daily activities for the last couple weeks compiled, acknowledging ally achievements, updating the achievements and missions logs under Game Basics, things like that. I'm also giving myself a mission to reply to all of you who contacted me. You held up your end, now it's time for me to hold up mine.
I do have a few proud moments to share though. I've been sleeping for 2-3 hours after coming home from work, then getting up for a couple hours before going back to sleep for 10-12 hours a night. I apparently need the sleep to heal, and I have not felt like doing much. Last week, though, I managed to do a short yoga routine and the energy workings taught to me by John (The Medium), as well as take the dog for a 30-minute walk. On Wednesday, despite my swelling and pain, I walked for over an hour with Jamie (The Armorer)! I was really proud of myself, as this was a huge accomplishment for me in light of my current state of exhaustion. Also, I think it was spurred on by the fact that Jamie and I would walk to New Mexico if you let us - once we get to walking and talking, we just don't stop, haha.
I wanted to get a bunch more stuff up here tonight, but I'm going to take satisfaction in what I DID achieve, give myself permission to rest, and work on getting the other postings and responses up over the next few days. I just wanted to acknowledge you all, because truly, this game is helping me to keep going, to not feel so alone, to draw strength when I thought I had none left. Please know that all your efforts are deeply appreciated, even when I don't respond. :)
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Battle with a vampire, progress report, and mechanics update
This morning I felt pretty good. Rested, strong. I let my guard slip for a moment, and paid the price - this afternoon a vamp came out of nowhere, tackling me into the dirt. It was a ballsy SOB - it wasn't even dark yet. I wonder if they are getting stronger, or finding ways to circumvent their weaknesses. At any rate, the fight was pretty intense, and for a moment I thought I was a goner. But then I remembered a new potion that Matt concocted, and it worked marvelously. I finished off that Beast like he was nothing.
Progress Report:
So this afternoon I got hit with pretty intense stomach cramps, dizziness, and nausea. I'm almost certain it's due to a new medication that I'm on - the same symptoms hit me Wednesday night, when I started the medication, and have been coming and going ever since. They are also listed on the bottle as side effects, so that's also a good clue.
Matt suggested making me Wild Berry tea, as it contains both blackberry and raspberry, which help with stomach issues. Then I thought to ask him to grate some fresh ginger in there. Mixed with some agave nectar and milk, the result not only made me feel better but tasted really, really good. So we can add that potion to our arsenal, yay!
It's been one week since we started this game, and I wanted to document the results on me as we go along. It may be coincidence, but I have felt happier and more hopeful this last week than in a long time. I've told my coworkers about this game, and they comment on how awesome the idea is, and I feel... energized talking about it. When those stomach cramps hit today, I started to feel emotionally upset because I wanted to do some things to day, but then I looked at Matt and said, "Hey, these cramps are a battle with a vamp, how do I fight it?" And that's how he got to thinking about the tea, suggesting it as a "potion." So far, it seems like it's working! I'm not so anxious and upset about the surgery I may have in two weeks, and reading all the posts here by my friends have definitely helped me, more than I can put into words.
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Progress Report:
So this afternoon I got hit with pretty intense stomach cramps, dizziness, and nausea. I'm almost certain it's due to a new medication that I'm on - the same symptoms hit me Wednesday night, when I started the medication, and have been coming and going ever since. They are also listed on the bottle as side effects, so that's also a good clue.
Matt suggested making me Wild Berry tea, as it contains both blackberry and raspberry, which help with stomach issues. Then I thought to ask him to grate some fresh ginger in there. Mixed with some agave nectar and milk, the result not only made me feel better but tasted really, really good. So we can add that potion to our arsenal, yay!
It's been one week since we started this game, and I wanted to document the results on me as we go along. It may be coincidence, but I have felt happier and more hopeful this last week than in a long time. I've told my coworkers about this game, and they comment on how awesome the idea is, and I feel... energized talking about it. When those stomach cramps hit today, I started to feel emotionally upset because I wanted to do some things to day, but then I looked at Matt and said, "Hey, these cramps are a battle with a vamp, how do I fight it?" And that's how he got to thinking about the tea, suggesting it as a "potion." So far, it seems like it's working! I'm not so anxious and upset about the surgery I may have in two weeks, and reading all the posts here by my friends have definitely helped me, more than I can put into words.
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Mechanics Update:
I have been reading Jane's book, Reality is Broken, and one of the things she identifies as part of a game is feedback. I think it's really important for me to have that feedback mechanism to start seeing the things I do to fight the Evils as heroic, and not just because I "have" to. This is kind of a hard thought for me to articulate, but just boil it down to say that I think feedback is really important for me. So I want to assign points to achievements and missions that I complete, and then use those points to "buy" my rewards. This is where I need your help though, gang. I suck at rewarding myself fairly, so when I post an achievement or a mission completed, could someone chime in with how many points you think that's worth? And when we get the rewards up, could someone assign points levels to them? For rewards, here's a list of things I've got so far:
-WoW sheet music for strings book (I CAN PLAY WOW MUSIC ON CELLO ARE YOU KIDDING?!)
-New cello bow
-New Macbook Pro
-Assassin's Creed
-Batman: Arkham Asylum (if my computer can run it, I'm still trying to figure that out)
-Dinner out at a favorite restaurant
-Going out to a movie
-Weekend away with Matt
-New sketchbook and pencils
-Hiking poles
-New perfume (this can be used multiple times because I love perfume)
-New wallet
-Massage
-New road bike
-Wii
-Kindle
-Gauged earrings
-Broken image necklace from Think Geek
-New tattoo
-Bottle of my favorite wine or a 6-pack of my favorite beer (can be used multiple times too)
And some achievements/missions I thought of:
-X points per hour of work
-X points for playing cello for 20 minutes (this is a power-up, but sometimes I'm so tired it's hard to play, even though I love it)
-X points for 30 minutes of working on my programming stuff
-X points per hour at doctor's appointments
-X points for posting to this blog
What do you guys think?
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